What’s Your Most Embarrassing Moment?

I started my day by falling flat on my butt, and later I talked to my boss for a solid five minutes about today's being Wednesday. It's THURSDAY. I should be cowering in a supply closet somewhere, but nah-- this barely registers on my Most Embarrassing Scale. Come, relive the shame with me!

I'll begin my public humiliation with a simple list, saving (and elaborating upon) the good stuff for last.

• I went on live television with lipstick on my teeth.
• I burped during a newscast when I thought my mic was off.
• I did the splits once on a trampoline and, at the apex of my split/jump, I ripped my jeans open. This was at a high school party.
• I was out with friends and met this super hot dude and we flirted pretty much all night and I ended up giving him my phone number... turns out he was already dating an acquaintance of mine. (*cringe*)
• I was at King's Mountain (amusement park) and my bikini top came off when I went down a water slide.
• I slipped and twisted my ankle in Wal-Mart. Did I mention I slipped because someone had spilled Jell-O on the floor? And that my head hit the jewelry counter? Because that happened.
• I fell off an elliptical trainer at Planet Fitness and tore cartilage in my knee.

That's just the beginning, people. I am eternally awkward and have the grace of, as my momma would say, a bull in a china shop. Here's some more of Meg's Tales of Woe.

In sixth grade, I really needed to, um, pass gas. I was trying so hard to hold it in, and I was doing fairly well... until we began our geography exam. Then, in a moment of dead silence, I sneezed... and farted... at the same time. It was so loud. I wanted to die. Everyone just looked at me and then cracked up.

I thought Kris Kross was Christopher Cross. I was in elementary school at the time, and all my friends were talking about how cool Kris Kross was and I was all, "Hey, my Dad has a Kris Kross tape in his car!" I brought it to show-and-tell, and it did not go well.

When I lived in Kentucky, I was briefly in a long-distance relationship. I had been talking to the dude I was dating on the phone until something happened and he had to go. He said he'd call right back, so when the phone rang a minute later, I answered it with a sexy, "Hey, Baby!" It was not my boyfriend on the phone. It was my boss.

I was 16 when I developed a huge ovarian cyst. It was removed via laparotomy, which was a major surgery. I remember waking up in the hospital to a group of my high school friends. I remember using a lot of, uh, colorful language to describe the pain I was in at the moment-- unaware my grandparents were in the room.

Honestly. I often feel as if my life should be underscored by "Yakety Sax" from Benny Hill. Anyway, here's the grand finale... Meg's Most Embarrassing Moment of All Time... I can't believe I am putting this on the internet; my shame will live on forever...

My junior year of college, I took a summer course on Medieval Poetry. It was taught as a distance learning class--meaning our professor's lecture was televised at Western Kentucky University's satellite campuses. We each had a desk that allowed us to interact with the professor and one another--you'd press this button, and the cameras would zoom in to your face and your microphone would turn on. Your face would be on the TV in the WKU campuses in Glasgow, Elizabethtown, and Owensboro.

It was a THREE AND A HALF HOUR class. The professor had the vocal range of Ben Stein. I was exhausted from working two jobs and all that, so one day I just fell asleep in class. That could have been the end of it, but no... I passed out with my face ON THE BUTTON. That means the camera zoomed in to my KO'ed, drooling face while the professor tried to wake me up. And it was televised to students in three other cities. 

The moment I woke up, I was like, "I have to go to the bathroom, and yeah, I need my bookbag and purse and I'll be right back and..." I went to straight to my car and left. Lucky for me: it was the last class before finals. I have never been so embarrassed in all my life.

What's your most embarrassing moment? Share them in the comments below!